Heroin Diaries
by undiscoveredfate
Summary: Derek Venturi has gone to the worst letting drugs enter his life. He left his house for over a year and comes back to find Casey cutting and everything different while still managaing his drug probalm what will happen? Way better then summery
1. xmas in hell

I've started a new diary and this time I have a few new reasons  
One:I have no friends left  
Two:So I can read back and remember what I did the day before  
and Three: so if I die, at least I leave a nice little suicide note of my life  
_**It's just me and you diary...welcome to my fucking life**_

_**Dear Diary**_,

Today a girl died. Right in front of me , I see this happen to much. It's Christmas. And I've talked to no one today . Not Nora, or Dad. Not even Marti. None of them care for me. Not anymore. But like they would any way. I can't bare to see Casey. Nobody knows the shit that happens in my head. Its haunted.. 30 minutes ago I could of killed someone or better yet myself. These drugs are all I have left.

_**Derek..**_

He threw the diary back onto the ground. He walked over to the small pipe laying on the desk. He eyed it as a smirk slowly appeared on his face.

He grabbed it off the table and slipped it into his mouth . Waving the flame under the boil his whole body went to instant cold ness . Just how it always went , he pulled it out . And looked around the room everything was just so plain before now.. Its… everything.

His heart pounded he could hear it. The room spinned as he walked outside in the cold winter air.

A familer guy walked up to him. "Hey Trevor." He said with a smirk plastered onto his face.

"Hey Derek good to see you, need another deal?" Derek shook his head and grabbed his head. "You'd think I'd get use to this." Trevor laughed. "Never really gets old." Derek moved his bangs out of his face.

"Marry fucking Christmas Trevor." He said walking down the road. The sound of Christmas caroler's ran through his mind muffled as he made his way down the street.

How did he end up like this you ask? For now lets just say people in his past got him into it.. And he left so no one would know.

The whole world moved back and forth while Derek stood still . _lalalalalala lalalala lala lalala lalala _The music got louder as his world continued to spin.

His stomach learched forward and all the spinning seemed to subside when he saw Casey's picture plastered onto the window of the movie theater window.

"Fuck you Casey." He whispered at the picture and moved more down the road. _LALALALALALAL LALALALA LALALAAL LALA _

"Shut up!!!" He said grabbing his head and his ears. Everything was super sensitive to him. Expecially those annoying as hell Christmas caroler's . Or they were to him at least.

He walked down the street faster with his ears still covered . He ran under a bridge and sat under the bridge staring at the what looked like moving ground.

"This is all so un real" He mumbled swaying slowly.

_Derek shuffled down the stairs trying not to wake anyone.  
"Where are you going?" Whispered a small voice behind him.  
He turned around seeing Marti rub her eyes and look up at him. "I'm just going out Marti" He said running her hair threw his fingers._

"When are you coming back?" Marti asked still a little drowsy.

"I don't Smarti, but it'll be a while." Derek bent down and kissed her forehead. "See you Smarti."

"Smerek don't go!" Marti grabbed his hand.

"I'll be back Smarti don't worry." He said trying to be reassuring.

He slid his way out the door and got into his car driving away.

His stomach went hard remembering and he instantly sobered .

"Smarti.." Derek said to him self frowning. He looked down at his phone it was 11pm Christmas Eve. He could still make it home now. Everyone could wake up to him being there.

It had been over a year since he had left. Derek didn't exctially know why he left he had been high at the time . But he figured he should stay away before he hurt someone.. That he loved.

He started walking down the road, slipping his hands into his pockets shivering a tad.

It was cold and all he had on was his classic Derek leather jacket with a dark black hoodie underneath. Around his eyes were dark and his hair layed in its traditional way a little longer covering his eyes.

He pulled out a pack from his back pocket. Yes, Derek smoked. He did it to keep himself from doing drugs. Or at least that's what he told him self every time he did it.

He slipped one into his mouth lighting it with a small black lighter. Derek was far off from caring if he got caught smoking by the police. Derek was 17 years old and had much more things to worry about then being caught smoking.  
The past year for his life had been by far the worst . He had seen 2 people die. Over dose of course. You'd think he would show emotion right now…but no. You'd think he'd been tramatised right now…no.

All of his emotions were stuck in. Until he really would go off then.. Everything would come out.

That night the time flew by quickly . All the walking Derek did felt like nothing. He walked for over 5 hours before arriving at his house. His old house.

He tried the front door.. Locked.. Obviously why wouldn't it be unlocked at 4 in the morning. He dug threw his pocket and picked up a dusty key. He slipped it in and switched it around causing it to open.

The lights were off. Everything seemed a lot like it did the year before. He was kind of shocked when he saw a tear struck girl sleeping soundly on the couch. It was the girl from the poster. It was _his Casey_. He walked over and sat on the floor watching her sleep.

A tear was in mid fall down her cheek. He wiped his finger softly across it wiping it off her face. He didn't do tears then.. He didn't do them now. He looked at his phone which read 4am. "Marry Christmas Casey." He whispered quietly not wanting to wake her.

He stood up about to walk away when he heard a very muffled . "Merry Christmas Derek." He turned around slowly , to see the girl still laying there sleeping.

He sighed quietly and walked up the stairs he opened his bed room door. Peaking in to see everything just like It was when he left.

He shut it silently and turned around and stared at Marti's door. His heart pounded he had missed his little sister so much. He loved her with all his heart.

His eyes fixed over to Casey's door. The swan lake poster still on the door. He smiled a little at it and went over to it opening it. Knowing perfectly well Casey wasn't in there. The room hadn't changed dramatically but it had changed some. The walls were a darker red instead of blue. Black curtains hanging instead of the white ones. He walked over to her bed sitting down on it. A slight squeak from the springs coming out of it.

Something shiny caught his eye in a drawer next to the bed. He opened the drawer. Inside was a shiny blood covered razor. His heart learched for the second time that night. He sat it to the side picking up a large a lot used journal.

On the front it read Casey McDonald in bold letters. He opened it skimming through the first entry. _"I moved into a new house today with my moms new husbend and his family."_ He flipped the page as it showed pictures of his house and her room. He flipped a few pages more and it revealed a picture of her and Sam kissing. His eyes were scribbled out and on the side it read _never again._ In Casey's perfect hand writing.

He shuffled threw the entry's as the word _Derek _and _hate _seemed to pop out more. The more he read his name the more his heart raced. Every entry Derek was written about at least once.

He came to one that was closer to half threw the book and it read.

_"I woke up today to find Derek gone. My worst enemy vanished in the night.. Where is he? Is he coming back?"_He flipped some more pages and there was a picture of Derek and Casey hugging in a chair . Derek was kissing Casey's cheek. He had always done that to bug her.

_"It's been three weeks since Derek has fell off the face of the earth. I really don't think he's coming back. .. Without him my whole life has been changing. I wear darker clothes. I've even cut myself.. Can you believe that. Me cutting myself.. Cause Derek's gone…I hate to say this.. But I really do miss Derek."_Derek's stomach began to flip. The more he flipped the pages the darker and darker each entry became. The anger showed more and more.. Derek couldn't believe what he was reading but he knew it wasn't from Casey not his Casey.  
He looked at her alarm clock that read 5am. He frowned down at the diary. He shut it and layed it back into the drawer he picked back up the razor with the fresh blood on it. He sat it back down in the drawer and stood up .

He shook his head slowly. He walked out of the room. He walked into his room and sat down at his dusty computer desk . On it was a textbook and a pencil.

He grabbed a small box and opened it reveling a small crack pipe . He rubbed his fingers over it. He shook his head again and closed it again and laid it down.

He sat in his room and rummaged through things for all most two hours. He looked up at his clock again and it read 7:26am. He stood up, and walked out of his room sliding down the stairs. Casey was still a sleep on the couch.

He bit down on his jaw and looked at her. He walked over to her slowly and pulled the long sleeve shirt she had on up a bit on her wrist. Afraid of what he would see. He turned it over and it reveled a very cut into wrist with the letter D on it.

He put the sleeve back down and pressed his lips together. He looked over at the tree with a sigh . He stood back up and walked over to it. On the tree was a small framed picture of Derek that read on the frame.. "_Where are you?_"

A silent tear ran down his face. He walked to the front door and closed it behind him. He would come back later… let them have there Christmas.

He grabbed the small white baggy out of his pocket and put it into the small pipe he had from earlier. He stood in an ally and lit it. Letting the drug go into his body.

He watch the whole world spin around him once again. He rocked back and forth as the snow started. He threw the pipe back into his pocket and walked out of the alley. Walking into a empty street staring at the car's coming.

He wanted to lay down in the street and end the pain flowing through his body. He wanted it all to go away right then and there.

The noises around him got louder and louder everything shook around him quicker and quicker.

He stumbled down the road and got into the side walk. Where was he going ? He didn't know. His mind racing , his heart bounding the whole world seeming to go someone when it was going no where.

Everything was so distorted. He smirked grabbing onto a wall breathing in the freezing air as the snow fell on him. "Thank you god!" He yelled up at the sky.

They're not out of their minds  
They're not writing in a diary  
And they're definitly not watching their holiday spirit  
Coagulate in a spoon  
I didn't speak to a single person today  
_**I thought "Why ruin their fucking Christmas?"**_


	2. Van Nuys

**AN: Yeah well here's chapter 2. I hope you liked it. I'm really working hard on this storie. I'm very into Dark Dasey. And normal Dasey and stuff like that.3**

Oh and I sadly do not own Life With Derek. I'f I did ? Derek and Casey would have already been together ? Ah. 

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I don't want to die out here in the valley  
Waiting for my luck to change  
And I just want my dad to know  
That I finally made it...  
_**Everybody gets high**_

Derek's high period was there for over an hour. The longest it had ever happened to him. He stumbled out of the wal-mart parking lot as his buzz slowly ran out on him.

Cocaine wasn't the only thing he did. He had been known to do heroine. But that's different . He looked at his slowly dying phone . 9:15am , everyone would be done opening gifts by them.. By then they would be eating there Christmas cookies and watching Merry Christmas Charlie Brown.

He eye'd all each street name as he got closer and closer to the Venturi/McDonald house hold. The closer he got the more he wanted to turn around and run away. But If he didn't go now he would never go. Before he knew it he reached the door. _Come on you coward knock _.

He swallowed hard and knocked on the door. His eyes weren't completely dark he had stopped at a gas station and splashed them with water to wake him up.

The door opened and a small figure opened it . It was the girl from earlier . She was taller , had longer darker hair and skinnier. "Derek.." She choked out . He stared at him with a cookie in her mouth.

Derek tried his best to smile. 'Case." He said with her classic nickname. "SMEREK!!!" A loud yell came from the stairs.

He looked up still outside. Casey moved to the side a bit letting him in . "Smarti." The cornors of his mouth turned outward forming a smirk.

Marti ran down and into Derek's arms. Casey stood there dumbfound.

A small crie came from the couch. Derek looked over at a baby laying on the couch. His eyes flew over to Casey questioning. Casey shook her head looking to be fighting tears and went upstairs.

He hugged Marti tightly . "I told you I would come back Smarti." He smiled and Marti smiled at him. "I missed you Smerek don't ever leave again." He just nodded as Nora and George ran down the stairs.

"Why are you here Derek?" Nora asked with worry written all over her face.

"Well.. If you want me to leave… I'll just-" He was cut off. "No!" George said.

"Lets just go sit in the kitchen and talk." Derek nodded and sit down Marti. "Marti go watch Eric." Nora said and Derek eyed Casey you stood behind Nora emotionless.

They all walked into the kitchen and Derek sat down on the stool and Nora , George and Casey walked to the other side.

'Where did you go Derek?" Nora asked starting to pace. "I just.. Moved into town" Derek said fiddling with his fingers.

"Why didn't you tell us.?" George asked. "Just.. I needed to get away. I planned on coming back.. I just. .ended up waiting longer and longer he said and cleared his throut.

Derek blew his bangs out of his face and looked at Casey who just looked at the ground.

"Derek , you just stay here .. And we'll be right back." They left the room and Casey fallowed. "Case.?" Derek asked getting her attention. She turned around but didn't look into his eyes.

"Don't call me that." She said pulling downs the sleeves on her shirt. Derek looked at her confused. She looked up at his mouth again not into his eyes. "Don't play dumb with me." She whispered.

"Casey.." He started saying and stood up walking over to her. She stepped back. "Don't come near me." She chocked out.

He grabbed her wrist. She gasped and pulled away. He had complete ling forgotten about the cutting and didn't know what was wrong.

He swallowed and looked at her. "Derek. Just.. Go away" She said and left the room. "I can't just do that Casey." He said and she turned around . She crossed her arms and sarcastically said.

"Why not you did it before?"

"Yeah! To protect you guys from me!" He said starting to yell. He couldn't believe Casey was acting like this. Most of all he didn't know why.

"Protect us from what?" She asked looking pissed. "From--" He stopped himself. "Nothing." She rolled her eyes bitchy . "Right." His lips curled in discust.

"What's happen to you, where's the Casey I know?" She looked at him with anger growing. "She died the day you went away." She then turned around and went up the stairs this time Derek didn't stop her.

He sat back down on the chair. And kinda stared at the ground. Nora and George walked back into the room. "Why have you come back Derek?"

Nora asked him sternly. "Well.. I .. wanted to see you guys." He said fiddling with his fingers. "Are you coming back home." He sighed considering. "If you will let me.. Or if you want me too."

"Oh.. Derek of course we do." Nora said running over and hugging him. That shocked him but he just nodded and put his arms around her.

"I'm glad your back." George said smiling. " Yeah me too." He whispered.

"Me too." Derek said with a half fake smile. He couldn't get Casey off of his mind . That's all could think about ..was Casey and how she acted.

"Well. .you know where you room is." Nora said with a smile. He nodded and stood up and walked into the living room.

He walked up the stairs and stared at his bed room door and then to Casey's . He fiddled with his fingers yet again. He hadn't slept in in over 24 hours.

He needed it. He opened his door and walked in . He laid down in his clothes and stared at the ceiling . It felt weird to be back here. It was like it was all a dream.

But no matter how many times he would wake up he would always be an addict. He hoped that wasn't true but he knew it was.

His eyes soon became heavy and he drifted off to sleep. He woke up to snow heavily falling out side. It was twilight he had slept all day. He glanced at the clock 5:15pm. He sat up rubbing his eyes.

He groaned a bit and walked into the hallway. He walked down the stairs seeing Nora in the kitchen cooking and Casey and Edwin sitting on the couch watching TV.

He sat down in his familer chair with a thud . Casey looked over as if panicing. "What's wrong?" He asked raising his eye brow.

She pressed her lips together and shook her head turning back to the TV.

"Merry Christmas Casey." He said and still staring at her.

"Why would you say that to me?" She sat staring at the now off tv.

"Why wouldn't I?" Derek asked slightly confused . It was Christmas?

"Edwin leave." Casey said sternly. "Wh-" Casey cut him off. "NOW!" Edwin ran out of the room. Derek raised an eye brow.

Casey turned to him about to say something. "Don't look at me like that." He scuffed . "Then how the hell am I going to look at you." She met his eyes for the first time. Brown .. And blue.. "Try not at all." She said quickly looking away.

Derek stood up suddenly surprising Casey. " What the fuck is your problem Casey?"

"You're my problem Derek" She said standing up inches away from him. She started to walked away but before she could Derek grabbed her wrist.

"Casey don't walk away from me." He whispered as there faces were inches away.

"Why not? You did." She said pulling her arm away and running up the stairs.

His blood boiled. He needed something. He needed a jolt.. He couldn't ..right now. .. But.. He had.. To… but the Christmas party was soon.

His eyes shot up to the stairs again. Nora standing at the top. "We have to go soon Derek get ready." She left the stairs to a sound of a cry.

"Who was this kid." He said to him self before going up the stairs and into his room.

He stared down at the box on his desk. _everybody gets high. _His heart skipped a beat. _I have too. _He grabbed the box and clicked the lock on his door. He sat on his bed.

He shoved the key threw the key hole on the box. _click._ He opened it grabbing the small pipe. He measured out just enough and put it in and lighting it.

_everyone's eyes are blue._

He let the smoke out of his mouth. The room did a turn. He smirked putting it back in the box. "ARE YOU READY DEREK?" Nora yelled from the hallway. He closed the box relocking it. "Be right there."

_Everyone's mouth is dry._

He grabbed a t-shirt and his jacket. He walked out of the room and down the stairs seeing Casey standing at the door with her coat on. He couldn't help but smirk.

His heart was raising but his whole body was relaxed. Casey eyed him with a suspicious look on her face.

He got closer to Casey looking down at her. He closed his eyes taking in her vanilla scent that he had missed from her.

He opened it to see Casey looking at him with a small 'O' form for her mouth.

"Derek are you high?" She asked with a slight stutter.

"What?." He said looking away starting to sway. "Derek look at me!" He didn't budge. "Derek look at me!!" He turned toward her swaying a bit more.

"What are you doing." She said as calm as she would make herself. Derek swallowed and turned a bit away from her eyes. "What do you mean what am I doing." He said moving back in forth more and more.

"Crystal meth?" She asked. "Pshh…" Was all he said looking at her briefly before looking away again.

"Derek!! Do you know what your doing to yourself?" She said hurt in her eyes. "Fuck you!"

He said stumbling a bit away from her with a laugh. "Do you wanna know?" She asked squeezing her fists together.

"So .. I did a little meth what's the big fucking deal!" He said with a little smirk and an eye roll.

"Derek what's not the big fucking deal?" The world starting spinning for him as Casey mumbled on about convolstions. "…your hearts racing do you feel fantastic."

He chuckled . "Yeahh" She stood up a little straighter . "Well one of these days your just going to die Derek."

"Gee.. Well that's not really what I mean but thanks mom!"

He said walking outside and to the car. "Derek.." She said.. "DEREK!"

She yelled he didn't respond and just got into the car.

He sat in the far back and rubbed his neck.

He jumped a bit when he heard a small giggle next to him.

His eye brows rose as he saw a small baby sitting in a car seat.

He scoffed . "So you're the crier." He said pointing at the baby with a little hint of suspision in his voice.

Casey got into the row of seats in front of Derek and the baby. "Who is this?"

He said with a slight slur. Casey's muscles clintched. "That's Erik." Derek looked over at Erik again.

"Erik and Derek." He laughed a little more then was needed.

"Mom had him 3 months ago." Casey said with a slight sigh and a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Wonderful." He said laying his head on the window. His rush was fading and his crash period was coming.

_**Everybody gets high**_  
Everybody gets low  
Everybody gets bruised  
Everybody gets sold  
Everybody gets dark  
Everybody unfolds

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**So how did you guys like this? I only got One Review Last chapter. I'm going to try an update everyday or every other day. Please review. I really do apperiate it and love your guy's opinions on things.**

Love always,  
Carli


	3. Life Is Beautiful

**AN: Hey you guys, this is chapter three (: Sorry its so short this one is basically just a filler for stuff that will come ahead.**

**Disclamer: If I owned LWD or Sixx Am. Don't you think I wouldn't be writing this because well one it would be on the air? aha!**

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You can't breathe until you choke  
you gotta laugh when you're the joke.  
**_There nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive ._**

The whole Christmas party was a complete blur. Everyone was shocked when they saw him. His head hurt like no other from Nicotine loss. His eyes dark. His body loose.

And he couldn't help from seeing Casey stare at him with ultimate defeat in her eyes. He didn't even know or remember why she was so sad. But he knew deep down in his heart that it was his cause.

She continually held Erik in her arms protective . Nora left him with her. For a reason he didn't and probably didn't care to know.

The Christmas Party seemed to drag on for hours and hours. When it was only about 3.

"Good to see you Derek," Vicky smirked at him. Derek raised an eye brow. "Vicky." He said leaning on the stairs railing.

"So where have you been, haven't seen you lately." Vicky kept the plastered smirk on her face and brought her fingers up to his bangs slowly brushing them out of her face.

He bit the inside of his cheek looking down at her with a half smirk. "Would you like something Vicky?" He asked semi politely ignoring her previous question. Vicky was quite a bit shorter then Derek. She was taller then Casey though.

Vicky stood on her toes and went to Derek's ear. "I want you.." She whispered going back down on her feet with a smirk.

Derek had never really in fact turned down a girl. He was NOT virgin. He had had sex with around 6 girls. Only 2 of them he was dating at the time.

"I bet you do." He said crossing his arms looking down at her smirking more.

"Derek!" He turned around seeing Casey standing there. "What" He asked with a slight groan.

"I need to talk to you." Derek rolled his eyes. "About what Princess." She grabbed his arm . "Just fallow me.!" She said with a pissed off tone.

She pulled him down the hallway . "How dare you." Casey said gripping into his arm . "Ouch!" He yelled pulling his arm away.

"How dare I what." He replied looking down at her with anger filled in his eyes.  
She backed down a bit shocked by the anger in him. "I-I.." She shot back up. "HOW DARE YOU COME TO A FAMILY EVENT HIGH!" Casey yelled at him.

He grabbed her wrist pulling her toward him and covering her mouth with his free hand. "Shut up Casey." He whispered glaring down into her eyes. With a hate filled look.

She winced away from him, she shook her head tears filling up. "Your not the same Derek I once knew." She whispered.

Derek's expression softened. "Casey,!" He started but was cut off. "No Derek." She said backing away. He leaned toward her grabbing her wrist a second time.

She pulled away again . "STOP TOUCHING ME." A rage of anger flew threw her body.

It suddenly dawned on him. "Casey." He said a bit dazed, Derek grabbed her hand slowly. She just stood there. He rubbed at her sleeve sliding it up a bit .

She pulled away quickly as a scared rush flew threw her. He walked forward as she walked back ward. She ran into a wall and he grabbed her hand again.

"NO DEREK!!" Casey said frantically. He pulled her sleeve up her wrist. He swallowed diffucultly looking at the familiar "D" he had saw earlier that day.

He rubbed his fingers over it causing her to wince some. He looked up at Casey who's heart was pounding.

He continued to look at her with a stern expression on his face and slipped the sleeve farther and farther up. Dark red marks were everywhere. Some were letters D's were mostly the only ones though.

He pulled it back down bitting down on his jaw trying not to yell. "How… Why would you do this to yourself." She pushed him back defensively . "Why would you do what your doing to yourself."

He sighed. " Casey that's not fair." She scuffed. "How isn't it Mr. Smart guy." She felt definsive but she had to be he knew her secret well one of them and she knew his.

"BECAUSE!" He said anger suddenly pulsing threw his veins. Casey stared up at his brown eyes with pain and anger. "Casey how long have you been doing this."

He said taking his eyes away from hers trying again to calm himself down.

She let out a deep breathe. "About a year." He just shook his head and turned around to walk away.

"Derek your not going to tell mom or George are you?" She asked fearful.

He turned around meeting her eyes. "You know me better then that." He said turning back and walking out of the door.

Alive Just open you eyes.  
Just open your eyes and see that  
**_your life is beautiful;_**

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**_An: Okay well this is it . Sorry its so short and suckish. I promise the next one will be LONG!! But I have to get reviews3_**

Love you guys.


	4. Pray For Me

**AN: Haha.. Well.. this came out fast. Again a filler. Hopefully the next chapter is longer.. again i'm sorry**

Disclamer : If i owned this is would have a ton more reviews and this story would be published! in like..a book.

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There's this funny thing about heroine  
the first time you do it you throw up,  
you fill sick you can't move.  
You lay on your back and your head spins and your body flips and jolts.  
You say to yourself this is the stupiest drug ever.  
_**And only someone dumber then dumb would ever do this again.;  
**_

They arrived back at the house around midnight. Everyone went straight to bed except for Derek who sat in the kitchen eating his feelings. That's what he does.

He couldn't believe Casey would do this. Especially over a guy like him. He wasn't a good guy and she knew that. What else would all the 'D's' stand for?

He shoved a handful of chips into his mouth. Casey & Derek hadn't talked since the fight. They just secretly watched from a distance.

He rubbed his bottom lip with his finger and stood up walking outside the back door. He pulled a familiar pack out of his pocket. He hadn't had a cig in hours he needed it.

He lit it in his mouth . Inhaling the nicotine he had become to know so well. Drugs had taken up his life for everything. That's all he lived for. As much as he hated thinking that, he lived to do something that could very well kill him.

He felt his eyes burn. He wanted things so bad to go back to the way they were.

He wanted Casey to forgive him for everything, it was his fault.

Everything was his fault if he wouldn't have started drugs with Sam before this all wouldn't have happened.

He would have never left. Casey would have never cut. And everything would be good again.

He flicked his left over cig on the ground and went back inside. The clock read _2:57am._Might as well go upstairs and do something. He made his way threw the living room and up the stairs. The hallway was dark.

He walked silently through it when he saw a peek of light from Casey's room.

There was a quick and all most silent gasp.

He opened the door a little bit so he could peek through.

There layed Casey with her head back a little bit as blood oozed out of her arm the blood covered razor lay on the ground.

He opened the door a little more and Casey's eyes shot over by the squeak of the door.

She jumped a little bit by Derek's approach. He shook his head sitting on the edge of her bed. "What are you doing Casey?" He whispered looking up into her eyes but she refused to look in his.

She grabbed a black wrist band off the table and slipped it over her scars.  
"Casey." He said again still quiet.

She didn't respond again. "Stop doing this." He said grabbing her hand as she got off the bed.

She scuffed and picked the razor off the ground. "This isn't the Casey I know." She rolled her eyes going into the bathroom leaving Derek.

He got up and fallowed her in there shutting the door behind him.

Casey grabbed a small plastic cup out of the drawer and pored alcohol in it. She dropped the razor into it.

Turning around balancing herself on the sink. "What Derek.? What could you possibly need." She said looking at him full of sarcasm.

Derek walked up to Casey slowly. "I need you to stop this."

She scuffed for the second time. He inflamed grabbing her wrist squeezing it tightly. "Casey, I mean it."

She struggled to pull away in pain. "A--a.." She moaned out in pain quietly.

"Understand me Case." He said looking deep into her blue eyes that were in full of pain.

"You stop drugs I stop cutting." His heart sped up. "I can't do that Casey." He said letting go of her wrist and stepping away.

She walked forward up to him . "And why not?"

"Cause." Was all he said .

"You're a coward." She said full of disgust.

"I am not." Derek said defensively standing up a little bit taller.

She rubbed her wrist with her hand. "Yes you are."

He pushed her forward. "AM NOT!"  
She pushed him back for him running into the wall . "ARE TOO!"

He grabbed her hand pulling his body forward kissing her lips with a forceful smack.

The kiss lasted for all of 5 seconds before she realized what was happening a pulled away.

She walked backwards. "No Derek! Never.!" She practically yelled gasping and angry.

He shook his head and left the room leaving Casey still in there freaking out. He walked into his room slamming the door. He didn't care how early it was.

Truth for the matter. He only kissed her to shut her up . Spur of the moment type of thing.

He grabbed a small note book of the dresser and grabbed a pen.

_Well diary, here I am. Home home home. And Casey hates me . Who cares right? Well I do. She cuts because of me. She knows my secret. And I don't think she can handle it._He tapped his pen on the note book thinking of what else to say. This diary he had was his life. That's what kept him living . He wrote it… in his deepest of times .

_I kissed her. I don't know why. She wouldn't stop lecturing me. And it was all I could think of doing.? I paniced all right? She's right I am I coward. I'm not able to quit this.. I WON'T. .. but.. I must._He slammed the notebook shut . He knew what he was writing was a lie. He wouldn't quit. He wouldn't let himself. .or would he ? He didn't even know for sure. But what would happen in the future would happen.

He didn't know when he fell a sleep. He was in deep thought when ever it happened. The next thing he remembered was the next morning.

Waking up to see his alarm clock reading 11:50am. It was way to early for him to get up in his normal taste. But he knew he had too. He had to see what was happening around the house.

He stood up pulling off his pants and putting on a fresh pair of jeans with a long sleeve white shirt and a red shirt over it.

He ran his fingers threw his hair and opened the door. Light filled his eyes . He groaned loudly and walked down stairs seeing people scattered around the area. Edwin and Lizzie on the couch with Casey , Nora and George in the kitchen.

He walked into the living room. He had to stay away from Casey. God only knows what could happen.

He looked down at his chair raising an eyebrow at Erik sleeping in it. "Seat stealer" He muttered sitting next to Ed.

"I told Casey that you wouldn't like him there." He rolled his eyes. " I should have known it was Casey."

Lizzie stared at Derek. "Derek.. Why are your eyes so dark.. You look a lot different."

"I.. uhmm.." He said thinking up of a lie.

"I just ..went to bed late is all." He said not as convincing as his usual lies were.

Edwin eyed him and Lizzie just nodded. Liz had bought it. . But did Ed? Derek wasn't sure. Edwin did look obviously suspicious . There was a loud ringing that took Edwin's attention off Derek and back to the TV.

"Score!!" He yelled soccer was on. Where was Edwin's sudden interest in Soccer? It dawned on him . _Lizzie he probably just got to like it cause of Lizzie. _He layed his head back on the couch cushion.

He stared up at the ceiling. Life had really changed since he had left. He wondered what all had he missed. All the family gatherings . Nora having a baby. He couldn't believe he had missed all that. He would hopefully get back into the kick of things at some point …maybe.

He let out a yawn and stretched out his arms before standing up.

He walked into the now empty kitchen and headed toward the fridge. He opened the door grabbing the orange juice carton opening it and drinking out of it.

His semi- pleasant drinking time was interrupted by Casey's loud voice. " That's for everyone you know." He squeezed the now empty carton slowly pulling it back down. "Sorry." He said sarcastically.

"Thought you would be." She said going out with what she was doing . She grabbed a small baby bottle out of the cabnet filling it up with warm water and formula.

"Why isn't your mother doing that?" He said looking down at the bottle with sarcastic curiousness.

"Cause." Was all she said.

"Is that all your going to say?"

"To you yes." She said pushing him out of her way before heading into the living room picking up the small baby from the chair.

He rolled his eyes and watched her with glaring eyes and she did it all most perfectly .

Casey had in fact baby sat her whole life. Lizzie ,and everyone so she was a pro.

Derek knew that one day , Casey would be a great mom. She had so much experience with everything.

His thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. He waited a minute seeing if any one was going to answer it.

He sighed and stood up grabbing the phone off of the hook. "Hello?"

"Derek?" A voice asked seeming to perk up some.

"Uhmm.. Yeah who's this?"

"OHMYGODDEREKICAN'TBELIEVEITSYOUWHERE-" Derek cut off the to fast talking person off.

'WHO IS THIS?" He yelled into the phone.

"Oh sorry this is Emily."

He sighed.

"Oh hi Emily." He said with a fake smile threw the phone. He knew she couldn't see it. He was in fact happy about that.

"So where have you been?" Emily asked him with deep excitement in her voice.

"Here and there." Derek replied rubbing the back of his neck.

"So.. Are you coming back to school."  
He wasn't sure about that one. He didn't know if he was or not. It took him a moment to answer.

"Yes I am probably."

She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.  
She wants to save me, but i'm barely alive.  
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get her go away.  
Now i'm hitting the wall and she begs me to quit,  
And she drags me to church but i'm scared to commit,  
And i'm loosing my mind 'cause she hides all my s**t.  
_**She wont go away.;**_

**_

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_**

AN: I'm sorry again for the shortness. :(. I promise you guys. I will make a very long update sometime soon and hopefully this chapter is worth it all.  
Reviews3

Love you all3

P.S I have 7 reviews XD i'm happy. If you guys wanna add me on myspace heres the link.

.com/randomxcarli we can talk xD


	5. Tomorrow

**AN: Hey you guys this is Chapter 5 (: . I worked really hard to get this out, and make it good. I wrote this one a few times , but I liked this one the best (:**

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Where ya gonna be tomorrow?  
How ya gonna face the sorrow?  
Where ya gonna be when you die?  
'Cause nothing's gonna last forever  
And things they change like the weather  
_**They're gone in the blink of an eye**__**;  
**_

Derek stared at the school building. He hadn't been there in over a year.. An now he was back. Dreading every single step he had took to get there. It was the middle of senior year.

The worst possible time to go back to the place he hated more then any other.

He brushed the bangs out of his face and walked into the door and into the small office he had been in all so much in his earlier years.

Everything was different, he could get in trouble for far worse things now then he possibly did then.

"Can I help you ?" Asked a bigger figured secretary at a long desk.

"I'm Derek Venturi." You could see a sudden change of her face when she heard that. She stood up. "Oh , Derek I hardly recognized you , how you've changed."

She said slightly concerned.

Of course Derek looked different it had only been 20 minutes since his last swig of cocaine.

Wouldn't you look different after that?

"I've just had a rough year." He said in a slightly deeper then normal voice.

She nodded slowly taking in his full appearance. "Well any who here is your schedule and your locker number." She said handing Derek a sheet of paper.

He recognized a lot of teachers names , for he had had them the year before.

He folded the paper in half and slipped it into his jacket pocket.

He walked down the busy hallways . People did double - looks as they slowly realized who he was.

Everyone was shocked by how he looked . But Emily's face had to be the most shocked. She was his ex - girlfriend. Well they had never accentually broken up .

But Derek had left so according to him that was a break up.

"Oh my god Derry!" She said running up to him an "O" shaped her mouth as she looked at him in shock.

Her shuddered at the nickname Emily had given him years ago. He had always hated it , but never really told her that he did.

Emily hugged Derek tightly. Derek fake chuckled as she pulled away from the embrace.

He looked over as Casey pushed her way around them . His eye brows went tight together as she just ignored him.

He hated that. He would not take Casey ignoring him , it just wouldn't happen.

Derek walked past Emily leaving her and her talking fast-ness alone .

He fallowed Casey over to her locker where she opened it digging threw it .

"Hey Case." He propped himself up on the locker next to hers.

Casey didn't reply.

"Casey?" Derek asked questioning .

There was a loud deep sigh that came out of Casey's mouth. She turned to Derek with an annoyed look on her face. "What?"

Casey said crossing her arms.

"Hi." He said putting on a huge smirk.

She rolled her eyes turning back to her locker grabbing out something before slamming the door shut.

The bell rang.

Derek just rolled his eyes and walked away heading down the hallway and walking into a class room that read 204 on the door.

He sat down in the back staring at the bored.

The teacher walked in and noticed him all most instintally .

She like everyone else did a double take at looking at him.  
Casey was half way in the room when the teacher called out. "Derek Venturi," With a very dis-happy voice.

Casey turned around quickly and walked out of the room with her books in her hand.

"Casey." The teacher said sternly still keeping her eyes on Derek.

Casey groaned a bit and re appeared in the room sitting down in the third row.

"Good to see you could join us again Derek." Mrs. Tache said again with a dis-pleasing voice.

"You too." He smirked and scooted down in his seat.

Mrs. Tache sighed and shook her head and turned around heading back to her desk.

Class began and Derek could not help himself from not paying attention.

Derek didn't really even want to come back to school. Nora had forced him for the most part.

The rest of Christmas break had went silently between himself and Casey.

They never really talked or looked each other.

Derek went on with his drugs.. Ignoring the cries of pain he heard from Casey every night.

The more he heard her , the more heroine / cocaine or weed he would take. He had never feared of OD (over dose) before. But he was slowly starting to worry about it.

Casey caused him a lot of pain , and he would do anything to make that go away.

He couldn't listen to her cry, or whisper his name into the night.

He died to see the smile that was always on her face before. The only way he did remember it was from pictures. Old pictures.

He wanted happy Casey back. The goody good girl, the one he had thought about constintally. Not this Casey, this one scared him.

With all the cutting and lying.. It just wasn't her.

He didn't know how much longer he could take it before he went crazy.

His stomach grew with pain.

Maybe Tomorrow would be better? Or maybe that was just what he kept telling himself.

The end of the day arrived quicker then expected for him.

He had slowly ended up with Ralph and sober Sam.

He went into his room later that night and stared at the familiar wall and listen to that all to regular cry of pain.

He held himself together. But he needed something he needed that drug.

That was the only thing he had control over. Or.. That he felt like he did at least.

He needed something strong tonight.

Heroine ..was the players choice tonight. He grabbed the small needed and pricked it into a small vein pushing the button .

The drug blasted into his body quickly.

It felt different this time.

His body jolted a bit, and he shot back onto his bed.

Something.. Was.. Going wrong..

He felt himself choking. His body arching in every direction.

The world was spinning out of control.

His life flashed before his eyes.

"Casey,.." He yelled to himself as if he were a small kid.

Tears flew down his face as the lights slowly faded out of him.

He fought for control over his body which he was quickly losing at.

"Caseyyy.." He whined again.

The lights were gone. Everything.. Was black.  
Just look at yourself, can you see where you are?  
Look at yourself, now you can't hide the scars  
Just look at yourself 'cause there's nowhere to go  
_**And you know;**_

_**

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**_

AN: I worked extra hard on this.! So if you guys like it , I better get at least 5 more reviews before the next chapter is out. Your guys can do this.! I left it a cliffy.! If you guys really want to know what happend.? You gotta show me (:

Ily guys (:


	6. Accidents can happen

**AN: Okay I got this review from someone and it kinda made me spark. Idk why but it did. I don't put REVIEW limits.!! I put those there as a test to see if you guys really like my story.? I put them there to see if you guys are accutally interested. Its not like i'm not going to put the story up if I don't get those reviews.? Its just a goal all righty? Glad we got that cleared up. Well Enjoy 3**

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Don't give up, it takes a while  
I have seen this look before  
And it's alright  
You're not alone  
If you don't love this anymore  
I hear that you've slipped again  
_**I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend;**_

As the lights turned off in his head. It soon reappered.  
From what felt like seconds were really hours.

He woke up the room spinning slightly and his head banging.

Everything began to focus as he saw a very familiar girl sitting on the left side of him with her head in her lap muttering.

Derek struggled to keep his eyes focus on her.

"Ca-" He cleared his throut and continued with what he had been trying to say.

"Casey.?" Her head jerked up. Her eyes blood shot from crying.

"Derek!" She said and pressed her lips together forcing back tears.

"YOUR OKAY.!" Casey choked out before tossing her arms around him hugging him tightly.

He groaned a bit. " Of course I'm all right Casey, what happened?"  
He asked dazed and confused of the whole situation.

Casey pulled back studying his face concerned . "You over dosed Derek."

He scuffed. " I wouldn't be alive if I had over dosed."

Casey shook her head. "No, your alive and.. You did over dose, on.. On .. Heroin"

He stiffened up as it rushed back to him. He had taken just a little too much. Because of Casey, but he couldn't let her know that.

"Did you find me ?" He asked not meeting her eyes.

Casey shook her head. " No, Edwin did."

"Oh." Was all he replied with.

"So.. Dad.. And Nora know?" Casey nodded.

He looked up at the clock on the wall that read 8am.

"So I bet the parentals are very pissed off at me?"

Casey shook her head. That surprised Derek. He really was counting on them being furious.

"There.. Just worried you might die."

Derek searched and searched for Casey's hurt blue eyes. But she refused to look in his.

"Well I'm not dead Case." Derek said trying to help her feel better .

Casey nodded finally looking up at him.

It was a brief second that her eyes and his eyes were locked together before Casey looked away again. "I should probably go get my mom and stuff." She headed toward the door.

Derek let her go , for he had nothing else to say. For right now at least.

A few minutes later the whole family rushed in hugging him with there worried and scared faces.

Lizzie's stained red face. Everything seemed to still be in panic mood.

Derek seemed to be the only calm one in the room.

The whole hospital visit was at most a drag. He was soon sent home , when the doctors said he would be all right and that a drug specialist would be in contact with them.

The car ride home was silent for the most part. No body said a word the only noise was the occationial whine from Erik.

The walked into the house with the same silence as the ride home. By that point it was night again. Everyone was exhausted for the most part they had been up most of the night and all of the day.

" Derek, were are the drugs.." Nora managed to get out with a straight and calm face.

Marti at that point was up in her room leaving Casey , Edwin and Lizzie sitting on the couch staring.

Derek didn't respond. He knew it was coming. .he just didn't know what to say. Would he give them to her?.  
"Come on, Derek we know you have them so you might as well just give me them before I go and look for them myself."

Derek exhaled out of his nose before walking up the stairs and into his room. Nora fallowed . He walked over to his box and opened it .

Nora looked at the many types of drugs from over his shoulder.

A small gasp came out of her mouth as she saw everything. He handed it to her.

"Is that everything.?" She asked with a glare on her.

"Yeah." He said convincingly enough. Nora seemed to believe it. He would not, give up his cocaine. He couldn't do it. He had to keep something.

"Me and George are going to save you the lecture.. We both think that you have had your own punishment enough." Nora said looking down at the box and up to him.

"Okay.?" Was the only thing that could come out of his mouth.

Nora awkwardly nodded slowly and walked out of the door leaving Derek alone.

He ran his fingers threw his hair sighing , before sitting down on his bed.

"I can't believe this." He said to himself.

"Who knew everything would end up like this.?"

"Great now I'm talking to myself." He said smacking his forehead.

"ERG.!" Derek fell backward on his bed groaning.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

He said nothing. The door opened and Casey stood there standing down at him.

"Fine just walk in." Derek responded sarcastically.

"I did knock.?" She said sitting in his computer chair.

"Yeah, and I didn't anwser , can't you take a hint."

She shook her head. "Nope."

He chuckled a little bit and sat up.

"What do you want Casey." He shook his head and looked at her with pursing his lips.

"Just coming too see if you were okay. .and stuff."

He cocked his brow.

"Do I look okay.?"

She shook her head . "You look horrible."

Casey said admitting what she was really thinking.

"Thanks." He said with a slight eye roll.  
"Your welcome."

She said as if it were no big deal and she crossed her legs.

"So , what did you really want."

Casey shrugged in response.

"I don't know.. I guess I just wanted to talk."

"About what , if I may ask.?" Derek said in the politest way he could without accutally being it.

"Well.. Maybe Erik."

He scuffed.

"What about him.??"

Casey sighed.

"We'll Derek.. I haven't excitally been truthful with you."

His eye brows went down suspiciously.

"What do you mean.?"

Derek was pretty confused now.

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**AN::AH.. Cliffy. HA. i was half a sleep writing this. So BLAHH! I need to get some good chapters out so my trusty reviewers don't bail. :[ Good job you guys (: I got like 7 more reviews :O.  
I wonder if you guys can make it too ten ? :O:O  
If you guys do i'll give you a surprise xD**


	7. Intermission

**an: sorry this took so long. I got on this weird writers block just with this chapter.**

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"What about Erik?" Derek asked wondering what he had to do anything.

"He--" Casey was cut off by the door being opening.

"What , are you doing in here.?" George asked as he busted in the door.

"Wow, does anybody know how to knock in this house.?" He said with a full sarcasm in his voice.

George raised his eye brows at Derek.

"I was just coming to see how ,Derek was." Casey said interrupting the silence that had built up in the room.

"Oh, well I think it's time you leave." George replied stepping a side.

Derek's eye brows forced down wondering what the fuck his problem was.

"Oh.. I ..uhm.." Casey said a bit shocked by George's sturn ness toward her.

She stood up and walked out the door with shock still written on her face.

"What do you want dad.?" Derek asked obviously frustrated.

"Well, I don't apperaite that sarcasm first off." George started and soon after continued.

"Second it's time for you to go to bed, tomorrow is going to be a long day."

Derek's eyed filled with a discusted and pissed off feeling. His eye's flew over to his clock which read 9:53pm.

"Dad it's barley 10'o clock."

"Well , your doctor is coming in the morning., so you need your rest."

"Right." He said with an eye roll.

There was no other response from George , when Derek looked over George had left.

Derek ran his fingers threw his hair and looked down at a similer box on the floor.

His heart started pounding a bit.

He chewed on his lip.

He couldn't do it .

He wouldn't let himself..

"This is just the beginning."

Derek said to himself throwing his body back down on the bed.

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**Well. .this is the shortest chapter ever. I'm not proud of it. i expected it to be short but not this bad.  
So i'll get bigger chapters. ahh. **


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